MALTA: THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UGLY
Mdina - © Bie Van Laer
Malta: to visit or not to visit? We’d say: yes, visit. But only on a few conditions.
The distance between the two most remote points on Malta is only 27 kilometers (17 mile), so the island is a midget, with an area of only 316 km² (122 mi²). To give you an idea: that’s half the size of Madrid. Malta is the most densely populated country in the European Union. Besides the main island, the smaller islands of Gozo, Comino, Manoel Island and a few uninhabited small islands are part of Malta.
Is Malta worth a visit or not? Let’s take a look at the pros and cons.
History and culture
I would normally separate these two topics, but in Malta’s case, most of the culture IS history. With more than 7,000 years of history, there’s plenty to satisfy your hunger. The main island and Gozo are home to some of the oldest megalithic temples in the world, older than the Egyptian piramides and Stonehenge. A bunch of civilizations have put boots (or sandals) on the ground here: Phoenicians, Romans, the Knights of St. John, Napoleon's troups and the British Empire.
Fans of megalithic structures are in for a treat, with many archeological sites dating from the period between 3600 BC and 2500 BC. Pretty impressive, on such a small speck on the world map. There’s a long list of Maltese megalithic temples, 5 of which are on UNESCO’s World Heritage List:
Ġgantija
Tarxien
Ta' Ħaġrat
Skorba
Ħaġar Qim
Mnajdra
And then there’s the Neolithic necropolis Hypogeum, an underground structure containing the remains of more than 7,000 people.
If you don’t have enough imagination to see an ancient culture in a pile of stones, Caravaggio might persuade you to visit Malta. His 2 masterpieces in the cathedral of Valletta alone are worth the trip. After the artist killed a man, he fled to Naples, and later to Malta in 1607. There he was admitted to the Knights of the Order of St. John, despite the fact that the Grandmaster knew about Caravaggio’s past. He even received papal permission to join the Order. (I’m taking a small break to wind myself up about the Church’s historical hypocrisy. Back in a few minutes.)
As a quid pro quo, Caravaggio painted ‘The Beheading of Saint John the Baptist’ and ‘Saint Jerome Writing’, both of which are preserved in St. John’s Co-Cathedral. It wasn't long, however, before Caravaggio ran into trouble again. In 1608, he got into a fight with a bunch of knights and was imprisoned. Not for long, as he managed to escape to Sicily.
I decided to show some sympathy for the papal decision, because, well…it’s Caravaggio. Have you seen his paintings? His work is out of this world. If not divine, then surely made with a little help from the devil. Or both, resulting in the chairoscuro for which Caravaggio is famous. Looking at the 2 paintings in the baroque interior of the cathedral is in my top 10 of best art experiences.
Food
“The horror! The horror!”
An excellent opportunity to use this quote. Malta has 136 kilometers (85 mile) of coastline. Sounds like a seafood buffet to me! Catch a fish, grill it, throw it on my plate and I’m happy. But somehow Maltese cooks know how to ruin perfectly good ingredients.
Fresh fish in a Marsaxlokk restaurant - © Johannes Vande Voorde
Take this in: “Valletta voted one of Europe’s worst cities by nearly 5,000 British tourists” in a survey about shopping and food (source: lovinmalta.com). Did you read the part that says ‘British’? First of all: they should shut up about food, they have no right to say anything about another country’s cuisine until they are up to speed with the rest of the world. (It’s much better than it was a few decades ago, but still…) Second: the bad Maltese food is their fault. Think about it: Malta was a British colony for a century and a half. Enough to ruin the local cuisine. If the British don’t like your food, you should realize that something is very, véry wrong.
How bad is it? We could be Britishly polite and say that we weren’t big fans of Maltese food, but we decided to be blunt: it was the worst we have ever eaten. (To people who have ‘enjoyed’ Austrian cuisine, this means something.) An example: Marsaxlokk is a fishermen's village with lots of restaurants. We decided to go to an Italian restaurant, after too many bad food experiences. We figured an Italian wouldn’t mess up seafood. The first course was simply inedible. It looked like the pasta had been served the day before, sent back to the kitchen and reheated in the microwave. On top of that, there was a long hair in my food. We asked for the owner and told him the food was inedible. His epic response: “yes, but YOU ordered it”. We immediately left, placed an order at a restaurant recommended by Michelin and had the first decent meal during our Maltese stay.
We have to admit that going to an Italian restaurant in Malta was a silly mistake. After eating at an expensive and very dissapointing restaurant in Valletta the week before, we went to a bar. The owner gave us a glass of wine and some bread with olive oil. We told him that the bread and oil were the best meal we had in Malta. He said he was Italian -we should have known- and that there were many Italian restaurants in Malta, but most were run by Maltese who knew nothing about Italian food.
After a week in Malta, we made the crossing to Sicily and wept tears of joy as we ate our first real Italian dish.
Points of interest
Valletta is the smallest capital of the European Union, at only 0.61 square kilometers (0.24 square mile). The city has a baroque character and counts 320 monuments. It’s nice to spend a day here and visit the Upper and Lower Barrakka Gardens, the Grandmasters Palace and the Cathedral.
The Three Cities (Vittoriosa, Senglea and Cospicua) across the Grand Harbour of Valletta have the best waterfront views, and a medieval character (Vittoriosa).
Mdina is the former capital, with many medieval and baroque monuments. The small fortified village is also called the Silent City. It’s the perfect place to walk through history, thanks to its narrow streets and ancient buildings.
Marsaxlokk is a fishermen’s village known for it’s colorful boats. It’s also known for the spectacular sea view - at least if you can unsee the power station that ruins it.
Victoria (or Rabat) is the capital of Gozo, famous for the Citadella and the 17th-century cathedral.
Beaches - not our cup of tea, but we should mention that we were there in high season. This means that every beach (especially at Saint Peter’s Pool and Comino’s Blue Lagoon) is invaded by young British tourists with music systems and booze. Run! Don’t believe us? See for yourself.
The Blue Grotto is actually a series of sea caverns that are famous for a unique phenomenon: the different shades of blue. The sunlight, reflections and the caverns with different positions to the sun create a spectacle of all sorts of blue.
Earthly Powers
If you’re craving some extra cultural nourishment, I highly recommend Anthony Burgess’ novel Earthly Powers. The story unfolds with Malta as its backdrop. The opening sentence is considered to be the most provocative of 20th-century fiction: “It was the afternoon of my eighty-first birthday and I was in bed with my catamite when Ali announced that the archbishop had come to see me”. No wonder it’s one of my favorite novels.
Malta: to visit or not to visit?
© Bie Van Laer
In short: visit Sicily, 110 kilometers (68 mile) from Malta. Lots of sun, good food and culture on a larger scale. (Sorry guys, our trademark is honesty.)
But if you’ve already visited Sicily 12 times, you might consider booking a trip to Malta. Why not.
Go if:
you can go in the off-season
you rent a self-catering apartment or you can afford to eat out in a Michelin restaurant every day or you have no taste buds
you like history and Caravaggio
you’re looking for a destination you can explore in less than a week
Happy travels!
